iain is coming to see me in december. this time a month from now I will be hyperventilating, freaking out daily, and panicking with the enormity of our relationship and how much I love him. I am so, so excited. it is impossible to describe how happy he makes me, how happy I am, because there are no words. It is innumerable and indescribable and even the most perfect song doesn't do it justice. Love.

"Nelly, I am Heathcliff! He's always, always in my mind: not as a pleasure, any more than I am always a pleasure to myself, but as my own being! - If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger: I should not seem a part of it."


all this feels strange and untrue
and I won't waste a minute
without you

school. is stressful.

money - money is stressful.

I am downtown inside the belly of the concrete lion five days a week. I have developed an unfortunate love of skipping early classes, even if I'm downtown in time for them.

I am tired of overcast skies.

The distance chips away at me, but I am forever optimistic. Last night on skype I watched him say he loves me. Earlier tonight my mother invited him for thanksgiving dinner.

My problems - this too shall pass

the love, the love of my young life, is not passing. he is eternal.

(and is trying to get money together to come see me in december?)

those three words
are said too much
they're not enough

I don't know when
confused about how as well
just know that these things will never
change for us at all

cause you know
you know
you know




I love you



I loved you all along


and I forgive you -
for being away
for far too long

just hold on to me
and never let me go


(he is everything I need
that I never knew
I wanted)

you're everything I need and more
it's written all over your face
you know you're my saving grace.


and the perfect day will be the day I crawl into bed at the end of it and find him next to me.

Love in all directions.

found my soulmate.

he lives 4000 miles away.

we're not really bothered about that right now.

that's what real love is, I think.